Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
