Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
