do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
