yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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