Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
