You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
