you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
