The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
