I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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