There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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