Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
