Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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