Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
