I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
