Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
