Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
