coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
