ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
