He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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