I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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