She's JV to your varsity
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
