I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
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