i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
