I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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