i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
