ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
