I am spending my child support on dildos
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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