Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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