Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
