im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
