He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Boobs are out for the taking
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
