U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
