beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
