don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
