My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
