Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The struggles of a small town man whore
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