my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
