i think my mom watched the whole time
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
