Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
