the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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