Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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