it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
