he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
