I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
