Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
