i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
