I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
