i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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