What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
