I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize