He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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