come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
