It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
