Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
