Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
