u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
