____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
