somebody snuck up and got me drunk
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
