I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
