Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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