i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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