We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
