i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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