I didn't shave. On purpose
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
