the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just found a bag of teeth...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
