I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
