remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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