I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
