mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
